How are you?!

"EY VIC! Long time! How are you?!"

*faint smile* "Uh...not sure really"

"HAHAHA what kind of answer is that???"

"Well im not sure how i feel so, im not sure"

"Err dude...chill leh hahaha, just a question!"

"Well then whats the point if I give a typical answer??"

"Eh...okay lah riiight"

"Uh huh...missed you guys alot"

" Oh thanx"
*pat on the shoulder*

*silence*

As tough as wet cardboard

3 days ago on Tuesday, was the first time I have ever been in a fight. A physical one involving beating up my opponent with a pugil stick (google it).

Okay, I should correct myself. It's not really a fight. It's sparring. Between my army buddy and me.

But still, it was the first time I ever threw myself (literally) at someone to smash and bash his head in.

Here is what I learnt.

Watching boxing and martial arts matches can be fun. And the athletes in them can go on fighting for quite a few minutes each match without throwing in the towel.

But 30 seconds swinging that bloody bolster of a stick was tough work! In fact I felt it felt equivalent to sprinting 100 metres with weights on my body.

By 1m30secs, I was completely winded. If you know what SOC is, it felt like I had just finished running through it. Could barely even hold my stance.

I admit, fighting my buddy was not as tough as it could have been because well...my buddy is an extremely nice fellow. He probably cannot even bear to give me a full swing of the stick despite donning thick body and head padding. So I pretty much owned him, and I am told I was really aggressive. (To make up for my otherwise normally passive state.)

I actually thought I was NOT BAD.
-

Then come to Wednesday, the 2nd time I had a sparring match.

I fought against another friend of mine. And he was alot more aggressive and powerful than my previous day opponent.

To cut it short, I pretty much got owned. It was also the first time I got smacked straight in the head so forcefully before. I made me recall how in boxing, a good solid blow to the head could knock someone flat on the mat. I could literally feel my head spin for a split second before snapping back to reality.

And worst of all, by the 1m30sec mark, I could not breath well. I could not even hold up my posture. I felt like my body was about to give way. I cannot be sure why...perhaps it was the blow to the head so early in the match, or perhaps it was the diarrhoea I had in in the morning (the fight was near 2pm), or perhaps I was exerting too much.

My partner was merciful to me. He stopped attacking when he saw I was breathless. He waited for me to recover before striking again. He constantly asked during the fight if I was alright (something was definitely wrong with me).

I got trashed. It did not matter how aggressive I was; My whole body felt weak.

More importantly it left in me another feeling. A much deeper one, not ending with my body. I was not sure what this feeling was but I was quite silent for the rest of the lesson.
-

Thursday, I woke and I recalled the fight. Recalled that feeling I had after the match.

Suddenly, I realised what it was. It was the feeling of humility in defeat. It was also the feeling of respect for the person who had bested me. I could not understand why I should have felt that way over a simple and otherwise meaningless duel.

But the fact remains, like I said. I felt it. And I could only obey that feeling.

I could only comply that I am indeed weak.
-

It made me wonder.

What could defeat mean to a man, that it could have such a profound impact?
-

Had I not been beaten, I would probably have thought myself an even better fighter than before.

In this way, defeat can be a good thing for the soul of a man.

Sunshine

I am already 20.

Going to 21 soon. (hint hint people, hehe!)

I was thinking to myself: should I really still be typing out such "emo" and weepy entries and publishing it as and when I feel down?

I am already passed by teens, that kind of thing, to me has always been what punk ass teens do. And yet actually, I am no better then that.

No doubt age is a number that should not define me, I still cannot help but feel I ought to "grow up".

I guess its inevitable for someone like me who puts much importance on my emotions, but its unbalanced. I often just write rather dark entries, and it is all leaning to one side. Its all really quite dreary and I can feel it.


This place needs a little more sunshine hmm.


And lastly.

Don't forget my birthday!

XD

To find...Longing and Loneliness

To find joy in
Longing and Loneliness.
-

I once stated before a fact, though I do not think many of my friends know, that I enjoy the bits of sorrow in life that come and go.

It is odd in a way, how it does feel rather "emo" and depressing, and yet, I feel a certain belonging to it. I cannot describe it; it is rather like a love-hate relationship.

I sometimes wish I could be rid of it and perhaps feel more numb for sometimes, emotions can be so overwhelming. At the same time, I feel like I could barely want it to leave me for it is this intensity that gives life.



In the mean time, I try to suppress these emotions. They just do not help now and in fact they kind of hurt.

To be a hallowed shell. It is such a sin of wasting what is given to me, but I can barely stand it now.

Phantom

Like a haunting spirit, these blasted thoughts of relationships.

Its ticking me off.

Surging...Emptiness

Surging emotions, poured into a jar of emptiness.

Where do these feelings start and where do they end?

-

I am brought on a journey, and abruptly, I am dropped off.

No where near the supposed destination, I wander in confusion.

The path seems familiar but I can't find my way.

I try to walk, but as I do, I cannot feel myself moving.

I try to run, and I fall to the floor.

"What now?", I think to myself...

I pick myself up, and I just have to keep walking.

Till I get back to where I left off.

-

Departure

Conscript W X GOH is departing for Thailand, on the night of 230408, 2145hrs*.

- Sayok, Kachanaburi province, some 170 kiolometres west of Bangkok, Thailand. -

He will be participating in Exercise: Crescendo for 3 weeks and will be returning from Thailand to Singapore on the morning of 170508, 0115hrs* .

* (time information only accurate in accordance to the memory of author)

The temperature will be estimated at 40-45 degrees Celcius.

-

Hello all. As the statement above goes, I am going to Thailand for 3 weeks.

It will be very, very hot.

And I can feel myself missing home already.

Hope everything will be fine over there, and that I'll be too occupied to think of all the people and places in Singapore!

To all those who believe in God or similar, do pray for the safety of all the soldiers.

-

Till next we meet =)